shake it out...

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http://youtu.be/o32ceEza6D8

Haters are my motovatiors...

Since I gained a nice 65pds when I was pregnant with peyton. It's time to get my body, mind and spirit back on the right track. Emotionally I've been sitting with heavy burdens on my shoulders and just been feeling stuck. I finally feel like I'm getting things back on track, and starting to feel like the old me. The person I use to like. Not to mention when I make my move in June... I'm sure Raheem will help me get my body back in gear. Haha. Here's a few motovatiors to remind me to stay focused. I think #4 is going to help me the most.

1. There won't be a day that goes by that you won't want to quit, so think of a goal you can use to remind yourself every day of why you can't give up.

2. You cannot expect anyone to respect you until you start respecting yourself. That means taking care of yourself and eating right.

3. Don't overwhelm yourself by thinking about the end result. Just take it one day at time.

4. Try to bottle all of your feelings of anger, pain and failure, and use it every day in the gym to work harder.

5. Every day that is spent unhappy with yourself is a day that you let pass you by and waste.

6. There is nothing that you cannot do.

7. Stay away from the scale. So many people put too much energy into the scale. If they would just put all that energy into the actual workout, they would be successful.

8. You need to find a workout partner. An older brother, friend or peer —just anyone so you can hold each other accountable.

9. Don't consume fast food or soda.

10. Never accept being fat as the cards you were dealt or the way it will always be. It's only that way if you quit.

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I carry your heart by E.E Cummings

*one of my favorite poems

I carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)

i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear;

And whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)

i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

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straight to the heart..

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Past in the present

So, a random thought came to me today. How do you move on when your past is still in the present? I guess you have to look at it from different points of view. Usually your past is a learning process. (Some of us have to go through this process numerous times.)You can choose to grow from this process, or get left behind. I feel your past is a "crossroads" scenario. You have to choose to move forward and leave what was done in the past OR... You can turn around and go back to see if you can fix what has been broken. Everyone has to weigh their options. I feel if you do want to go back, you need to decide if its really worth it. If you know things will change and you have complete faith in that situation. Notice I didn't say if you Love that person or thing? By experience,I find that love isn't enough. Sometimes when you love someone or something its just better to let go. If and when you do move forward to conquer your goals and move on with your life, just remember one thing. FORGIVE. Forgiveness isn't for the other person, it's for yourself.Without this the "moving on" process will not be a successful one. So, back to my initial question.."how do you move on when your past is still in the present?" I say with forgiveness,knowledge, and hope for a better future.

An answered prayer...

So where do I start? How about the beginning? Like every story there's always a man. I fell in love with that man who I believed had my best interest at heart, someone who I felt would be by my side when I needed him. Unfortunately things didn't work out as planned. So is all fair in love & war? In my case, yes. Through the pain and hurt came a beautiful baby boy named Peyton. I never thought I would have a child this soon. I wasn't ready. There is and was so many things I wanted to do first. Yet and behold...here he is. Big gum smile with his two bottom teeth. Brought sunshine in my life. I remember when my relationship ended, being so heart broke. I was laying on my bed and crying my eyes out. I prayed to God, "God, please heal my heart, please send me someone that will love me as much as I love them". At the time I was talking about a lover, but God had another idea in mind. He does answer prayers. It may not be what you initially meant but it will be answered. Have a little faith. I know things get hard, and I still struggle with the hardships of being a single parent everyday but it gets better. I wouldn't change a thing. I honesty don't know how I lived this long without my son. Words can't express the love I feel.